BONDiNG, and what is this BDSM shit About?

by, Uma

BONDiNG has been released on Netflix and it’s portrayal into the life of a professional dominatrix has created quite a social buzz.  But the only unique thing about BONDiNG is not the sensationalistic view of BDSM life, but rather the unique format of 14 minute episodes. 

For the “vanilla” viewer, a term used to describe individuals who are not into the scene, it portrays BDSM kinksters and the “lifestyle” in an exaggerated and excessively twisted way.  The truth is that most players are into the scene to just add a little variety and harmless play after becoming bored with a sex life that has become a repetitive ritual of 10-minute physical activities, conducted with the lights out with the very same partner.

BONDiNG portrays players as mostly fetishistic individuals dependent on some bizarre and crazy obsession, ranging from piss to being penguin-obsessed.  And although there is a small percentage of such individuals who do participate in the scene, most individuals are in fact far more complex and require far more variety from scene to scene than shown.  I for one, am what is considered an “adventurer” who enjoys variety and new experiences.  Repeat the same scene or the same activity and I will become as bored as those couples who only have sex from 11-12 on Saturday nights when the kids are staying at their grandparents for the weekend.

Many who view the show are amazed at people who come to a dominatrix to be whipped or beaten.  Again, this is an exaggerated view.  There is only a tiny fraction of true masochists in this world who are physiologically wired to get off on pain.  In most cases, players are going through a role play with their dominatrix who plays at tormenting or putting their client through a very measured “ordeal” in order to earn the right for a more pleasurable experience.  It is role play about torture, not actually torture.  It is a game of “do your worst to me mistress, and I will show you I deserve the caresses and pleasure that you will give me by the end of the session.”  It is a playful reenactment of everything from James Bond movies to Superhero films.  The hero is captured and tortured by the arch-villain before he breaks free and rights the world of injustice.  It is a video game storyline for those who want more than merely sitting in front of the television with a game controller in their hand.

In a larger sense, BDSM is an opportunity to break free of so many societal boundaries and taboos which constrain our free-spirited and playful natures.  American society was based on a Puritan philosophy which found up-tight England as being to liberal for their beliefs, so they broke away to come to America where they burned witches and made any version of sex not aimed at procreation to be sinful.

The Catholic and its Anglican offshoot, impressed the concept of shame into its followers mindset, and the Jewish introduced the concept of Guilt.  And later, Islam added its own highly constraining tenants of gender conformity and other behavioral constraints asserting the “proper ways to live.”  More eastern based philosophies do not share these societal norms and their fantasy play is much more free, such as the Asian tendency to renact harmless role play, such as the Japanese propensity for Anime and role play.

BDSM is merely an outlet for harmless and natural play for those who want to experiment, and have some fun.  It is for people who want more than voyeuristic television watching and want to participate and not merely spectate.  Walking on the Wild side, is far more about fun, than twisted obsessions, and far more about freeing ourselves to new experiences then it is about ritualistic repetition of fetishes.

 

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